March Top 3

This month's top three has a theme: lists. The following three sites are dedicated to the compilation of lists. And there's nothing not funny or handy about that. So let's get started.

#1) List Universe. Look up various lists of just about any thing one can think of. Or post your own.













































2) What Really Sucks. This web site maintains a list of things that, well, suck. It's like a "suckopedia," if you will. Look for your favorite products and activities here to learn if they suck or not.













3) Stuff white people like.



















































I think it goes without saying that a lot on this list overlaps with that on the previous one.

On Mars I'd Be Worth More

Sometimes you feel introspective and wonder about yourself, you have questions, and you need them answered.

For instance, have you ever wondered how old you would be on another planet? Of course you have.

Well at this site you can find that out exactly that.




















Simply enter your birth date and this handy tool will calculate how old you'd be on the planets in our solar system, based on the length of their respective years.

Let's see, I'd be 149 years old on Mercury. So that's good, I'd be dead. On Venus I'd be 58. That sounds crappy. On Earth I'd be 36. Oh yeah, I am on Earth, and 36....












Okay then, on Mars I'd be 19. A teenager again. Pass. On Jupiter I'd be 3....












And so on and so forth. You get the idea. What does it all mean?

















Not a goddamned thing.

This site then goes on to explain some scientific shit about planetary orbits and calculating their distances.

No one needs to learn anything here, though, so let's just move on to the next question.
How about precisely how much you are worth monetarily speaking on this planet? This you can calculate with help from the creators of this site.

















Here you just fill out a short survey that measures your worth based on categories like gender, lifestyle, physical features and intelligence...










































And based on the formula they use at this site to calculate this figure, it calculates your total monetary value as an individual.

This is especially handy if you are planning to sell yourself on Craig's List, as i tried unsuccessfully to do a few months back. I knew five million was asking waaaay too much.

Wake Up People!

This is kind of handy. The Kuku Klock site features an alarm clock you can set if, let's say, you are away from home and don't have access to an actual alarm clock. It's user friendly and will even work if you loose your internet connection after setting it.













And you have choices in terms of the alarm sound, like a classic alarm clock ring, or a Slayer guitar riff. I chose the cockerel (pictured in the first image) of course, because that's just so much fun to say. Cockerel.






















Anyway. The current time is displayed in the in the right hand corner, and using your mouse, you simply set the alarm as you would any other.























Then,when the time comes, the alarm will sound and wake you up. There is even a snooze option. (Or if you change your mind and decide you don't want to get up after all, you can simply use the handy "cancel" feature.)









Wake up people!

Hit Me Later (or Kill Me Now)

Do you ever find yourself too short on time to read and reply to the many emails you receive from the many online dating services you are signed up for to no avail? Me neither. But on the off chance that you do ever find yourself with an inbox so full you simply can't get to it all, you can use the handy Hit Me Later tool and have that email re-sent to you at a designated future time.












Simply go to your inbox and forward any email you don't have time to deal with at the moment to Hit Me Later and designate the number of hours the server should wait--I chose seven hours here because I feel like in about seven hours I'll be ready to deal with this...






















and then you'll see that mail has been forwarded to Hit Me Later.






And then later you'll receive the email back from them at a time chosen by you.







Then you can open it up, again, and address it with the feeling of a fresh start.















Or you can just leave any mail you haven't read yet in your inbox until you have a minute. Because if you don't waste the time forwarding your mail to this site, you'll eventually have more time to review your mail.

I Should Be in Pictures

Not all of us can afford a fancy digital camera or web cam. But that doesn't mean we don't still love taking pictures of ourselves, or that our friends and family don't love to receive our pics and see our latest look. Finally there's a website that offers a free online camera.










Just follow the instructions given with the camera...













a very technologically advanced piece of equipment it would seem, in order to be able to snap your photo over the web. But it really does work. It takes mere seconds for the image to be ready for you to pick it up and review it.










When I picked up my photo i was in for a bit of a surprise. I've gained weight.




















And I guess need to shave.

Death on the Web: The How, The When and The Befores

The web is saturated with death--images, philosophies, ways to kill yourself, etc. There are also a number of sites that take a little of your personal information, age, lifestyle, etc., and then calculate for you how much longer you have left to endure, if you choose not to take the advice of a site featuring easy ways to kill yourself, of this ever tedious thing called life, or even how your life will finally end.

The Death Clock is a fast and easy way to get a prediction about how much longer you can expect to live. Just punch in some personal info about your lifestyle, age and health and...



















In seconds it predicts your exact date of death, and even helps you to count down the seconds until that date, which undoubtedly you will immediately begin to do. It looks like I can expect to go down for the dirt nap in 16 and 1/2 years. That's only 525,088,072...525,088,071, 525,088,070...















The next thing I'm sure we all want to know is how we're going to die. I found this handy web page to calculate just that for me. It features the "new and improved" version Death Predictor. It is now able to predict not only how but when you are going to die. I already know when I'll die thanks to the Death Clock, but Death Predictor, new and improved as it is, promises to be as useful and accurate a tool.










Okay, I'm okay with the "how" but the when can't be right. I'm going to die in 16 years when I'm barely 52, and this thing has me trapped on this earth until I'm 84.


I Needed a second opinion, or a third opinion I guess...I needed an opinion to "second" the first opinion.

So I went here. This appeared to be a pretty careful site whose results would no doubt offer a reasonable prediction of the time of my death, based on all the unhealthy things I purposely do each day for my health. This prediction shaved a couple years off, but still has me living until I am over 80 years old, despite everything I do right to kill myself.























I guess I'll just eat a deep-fried peanut butter and banana sandwich everyday, Elvis Style,and hope the Death Predictor, though new and improved, got the date wrong. Come to think of it, if I eat a peanut butter sandwich right now I could be dead by the end of the day; I bet the Predictor did not take the current Salmonella outbreak into consideration.

Well, while I wait, i thought it would be fun to investigate what I did before I died another time, in a past life. So I went to this well-reputed site for figuring such things, entered a little info and...
















it says:
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Northern England around the year 1125. Your profession was that of a digger, undertaker.



Hmmm. That figures.

While still passing time alive--now with only 525,088,003 seconds left to go--I decided to check out another site that displays polaroids of people along with what things they would most like to do before they die. I figured, maybe I'd get some ideas of more things to do to occupy myself whilst I wait.

Nope. They were all lame. Here is a sampling of some of them.























You're not going anywhere...except maybe to work at McDonald's.
























Today class, I want you to consider the fact that you are going to die, maybe soon...
























Wow, aim high dude!
























Um...you probably need to aim a little lower.
























Just give up, you won't succeed in this.























Before you die you will be disappointed.
























Seriously, why put this off any longer?























Because you've clearly always been so up-tight, such a perfectionist, pushing yourself too hard.
























Yeah, well, maybe she'll be in for a steak one night when you're working.

This site, I discovered, does not allow you to post your own polaroid and pre-death wish, but I had already taken one and was all ready to do so...so I figured I could at least use this site to toss my hat into the ring of death.























I think that sums it up.